Holy crap I just read my last post and it was gloomy!
Hi there! Been a while hasn't it?
Let me explain what happened the last few weeks... I will write week 1, week 2 etc. and they will count as a week after.
Week 1:
Normal week until thursday...
I was in this park beside our school and went to go swing. These dudes kept insulting me and my friends cuz ''apparently'' the swings belong to them. I stayed on them and started to listen to music to ignore them. Then, they started pushing us off and hitting us. We left and I ran into the forest.
As I ran in the forest, they came back....the memories...
After a while of ''sitting calmly'', we had to leave to school. Two of the guys came and asked us if we were ok and if those jackasses insulted us badly. My friends were ok, but I just walked my head down and said nothing.
Note: I do not remeber ANY of these informations because of the crisis coming, made me forget it. I will explain the only thing I remember.
When we got out of the forest, I can't remember what they asked me but it ended with ''What do you want Ajax?'' The first response that shot out of my mouth was ''I want to die...''
I slammed myself against the ground and cried so heavily, that I was blind...litteraly...
Now apparently, I was screaming all sorts of things that I lied about (since I am a compulsive liar.....except for that...or that...or- ok you get it...) and kept saiying that I wanted to die.
Here's the thing that I remember the most vividly.
I lifted my head since I was looking at the ground, as I stared at my friends, I was shocked. Ali was crying and looked horrifed. Youthi stared at me horrified too. But the one I remember most was Crystal. She looked devastated and cried without sound.
I can't remember who, but one of them went to go get a teacher. It so happens that the teacher was Mr.Bastien, my tutor.
Now the rest you can guess, people crowded, got in the school and it was worst as I kept screaming ''I want to die!!'' and then I was questioned and etc.
The next day, the school ordered me to stay home. So I did.
Week 2:
RUMORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I F****** HATE RUMORS!!!!
Apparently I had jumped off a tree, or a climbing wall and a plane. Nice.
Week3:
Nothing really....
Last weekend:
Went to the movies friday to go watch Harry Potter 7 and then...yea....
Today:
Morning, tired, afraid that some kid (just like the dead kid in the movie ''Messengers'' is watching me from the back and..................ok no one there....phew....so see ya!
Ajax
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Depression of the Arts....
Hey....
Im feeling really depressed now.....Im thinking about things that happened before and guilt builds....
Let me tell you a little about my whole....trauma thing....
4 yrs ago, my bro, Keith, was diagnosed with cancer....I really felt sorry for him the first couple days.....until it happened....
I woke up, getting ready for school, when I realised I was alone in the house....I went to the living room to find my grandmother, sitting on the couch, enjoying a cup of coffee.
She explained to me that my parents had to go to the hospital all day and night. I knew that my bro would need both parents to take care of him....but try saying that to a 10yr old kid who is a total egotistic child (not anymore).....
So, at first, I was okay about it, until I realised that if I wanted something, or wanted help with something, I had to wait a week or two....
Then came the belly...
When I was a child, I was the skinniest in my whole family. Well, that wasn't the case when I was 10.
See, chemo makes you very skinny, so my bro had to eat a lot of junk food. And my parents didn't have enough money to pay groceries since they quit there jobs to take care of my bro.
So when I was 10 1/2, I developed an uncomfort with my body....Super, I now have problems at home and Im fat.....great....
But that's not all....during the time, I developed psychological problems, so now I have fifty psychiatrists....
Another thing to add is that since my bro was going to ''die'', people offered him gifts, and gifts, and gifts....while I sat in my corner asking for a new Pokémon game and being shout out: ''No! Your brother is dying, and all you can think of is yourself? You should be ashamed of yourself....''
So now I have a consrant reminder of that when I see my bro walk into the living room with his laptop he got from the make a wish foundation....
The last thing to add is that, ever since my bro was diagnosed, Ive had trouble sleeping and turned lazy, and forgot a few things, which is probably why I don't do my homework....
Plus, I stress a lot now, thinking that something like that will happen again....
And, when my parents try to teach me a lesson for doing something wrong, it always starts like this: ''When your brother was in treatments....''
I have had great sadness in my life and no one gives a shit about it......Yes I swore, and I dont care, I have experienced the worst kind of life being constantly insulted of being fat, having the constant reminder of when your parents neglected you, and no one gives a shit about you.....
What reminded me of these memories again though, is when I was drawing earlier and realised I sucked....
So now I am typing this as my keybord is filled with tears of pain.....please forgive me of giving you a sad and shitty entry....
Ajax
Im feeling really depressed now.....Im thinking about things that happened before and guilt builds....
Let me tell you a little about my whole....trauma thing....
4 yrs ago, my bro, Keith, was diagnosed with cancer....I really felt sorry for him the first couple days.....until it happened....
I woke up, getting ready for school, when I realised I was alone in the house....I went to the living room to find my grandmother, sitting on the couch, enjoying a cup of coffee.
She explained to me that my parents had to go to the hospital all day and night. I knew that my bro would need both parents to take care of him....but try saying that to a 10yr old kid who is a total egotistic child (not anymore).....
So, at first, I was okay about it, until I realised that if I wanted something, or wanted help with something, I had to wait a week or two....
Then came the belly...
When I was a child, I was the skinniest in my whole family. Well, that wasn't the case when I was 10.
See, chemo makes you very skinny, so my bro had to eat a lot of junk food. And my parents didn't have enough money to pay groceries since they quit there jobs to take care of my bro.
So when I was 10 1/2, I developed an uncomfort with my body....Super, I now have problems at home and Im fat.....great....
But that's not all....during the time, I developed psychological problems, so now I have fifty psychiatrists....
Another thing to add is that since my bro was going to ''die'', people offered him gifts, and gifts, and gifts....while I sat in my corner asking for a new Pokémon game and being shout out: ''No! Your brother is dying, and all you can think of is yourself? You should be ashamed of yourself....''
So now I have a consrant reminder of that when I see my bro walk into the living room with his laptop he got from the make a wish foundation....
The last thing to add is that, ever since my bro was diagnosed, Ive had trouble sleeping and turned lazy, and forgot a few things, which is probably why I don't do my homework....
Plus, I stress a lot now, thinking that something like that will happen again....
And, when my parents try to teach me a lesson for doing something wrong, it always starts like this: ''When your brother was in treatments....''
I have had great sadness in my life and no one gives a shit about it......Yes I swore, and I dont care, I have experienced the worst kind of life being constantly insulted of being fat, having the constant reminder of when your parents neglected you, and no one gives a shit about you.....
What reminded me of these memories again though, is when I was drawing earlier and realised I sucked....
So now I am typing this as my keybord is filled with tears of pain.....please forgive me of giving you a sad and shitty entry....
Ajax
Monday, October 25, 2010
School never ends...
Hi!
OMG....Im posting on a Monday!!! AAAH!!!
Im eating pasta right now as Im typing this entry. Mmm...springy pasta...^^
Anywho, I just came back from school since I was in detention...T_T See, Im not really the homework type, I ''forget'' to do them A LOT...The emphasis on forget is because Im not sure its forgetting or alzeimer stuff...idk...
So yeah, today was pretty normal until I got to Drama class (Im not gay). This girl called Brittany, who is totally a b**** and is literally a retard comes up to me and says:
''Dont speak english! (I go to a french school since I live in Quebec...T_T)''
''Why? It's my native language, im aloud to speak it.''
''No! Since your in a french place!''
''Well you know what? Eat sh*t!''
''................shut up''
Then she walks away and her friends start laughing after the conversation.
So after Drama class, I left to go to my 1 hour detention. I am so used that I took the copying paper, sat down at a table and started writing. Usually, they give you a paper with a story from the ancient greek times and about the greek gods. Mine was for the first time, Demeter and the seasons. I usually get, Pandora's Box...I know it by heart.
So for an hour I wrote down about how the seasons are created in greek mythology until the clock stroke 5 o' clock
I left and waited outside for my mom's car. I got in after a while and my mom immeadiatly asked:
''Why were you in detention?''
It's at this moment where I panicked...
Usually, its because I didn't do my homework for a certain period of time. But if I told her that, she would, yet again, scream after me for hours. So I lied and said:
''For pissing off a teacher...''
At this moment I realised that I was screwed.
Since my mom would of ask me whole details about why I did it, to who I did it, etc. Of course, im a good lier, so I easily made up something about being sarcastic towards my math teacher.
We got back home and to find my bro on the wii, and cooking at the same time. He tried to open the sauce jar, but it was too hard to unscrew, so he texted my mom and 3 seconds later, she called telling him that she laughed her a** off.
So now Im done my pasta, and Im eating Lays with my bro staring at the screen, watching every of my single typing sounds........click, click, click....XD
So yeah, see you later or maybe tomorrow!!
OMG....Im posting on a Monday!!! AAAH!!!
Im eating pasta right now as Im typing this entry. Mmm...springy pasta...^^
Anywho, I just came back from school since I was in detention...T_T See, Im not really the homework type, I ''forget'' to do them A LOT...The emphasis on forget is because Im not sure its forgetting or alzeimer stuff...idk...
So yeah, today was pretty normal until I got to Drama class (Im not gay). This girl called Brittany, who is totally a b**** and is literally a retard comes up to me and says:
''Dont speak english! (I go to a french school since I live in Quebec...T_T)''
''Why? It's my native language, im aloud to speak it.''
''No! Since your in a french place!''
''Well you know what? Eat sh*t!''
''................shut up''
Then she walks away and her friends start laughing after the conversation.
So after Drama class, I left to go to my 1 hour detention. I am so used that I took the copying paper, sat down at a table and started writing. Usually, they give you a paper with a story from the ancient greek times and about the greek gods. Mine was for the first time, Demeter and the seasons. I usually get, Pandora's Box...I know it by heart.
So for an hour I wrote down about how the seasons are created in greek mythology until the clock stroke 5 o' clock
I left and waited outside for my mom's car. I got in after a while and my mom immeadiatly asked:
''Why were you in detention?''
It's at this moment where I panicked...
Usually, its because I didn't do my homework for a certain period of time. But if I told her that, she would, yet again, scream after me for hours. So I lied and said:
''For pissing off a teacher...''
At this moment I realised that I was screwed.
Since my mom would of ask me whole details about why I did it, to who I did it, etc. Of course, im a good lier, so I easily made up something about being sarcastic towards my math teacher.
We got back home and to find my bro on the wii, and cooking at the same time. He tried to open the sauce jar, but it was too hard to unscrew, so he texted my mom and 3 seconds later, she called telling him that she laughed her a** off.
So now Im done my pasta, and Im eating Lays with my bro staring at the screen, watching every of my single typing sounds........click, click, click....XD
So yeah, see you later or maybe tomorrow!!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
State Puff Marshmallow man?
Hi! As I promised, Im back!
So....the only thing that I did intersting today was go to the grocery store, get a new scarf and watch GhostBusters....
At the grocery store, I did my normal thing with Kricket, act funny. Im good at being funny, but the problem is that when I come to tell someone, I TOTALLY forget what I do to be funny. It sucks since it would be awesome in my blog.
The scarf is because, my avatar has a red scarf, his name is Ajax Kyougi Blinn, and I really wanted one, so we found the perfect one. So now, I wear it ALL the time and never take it off. So if you imagined me, imagine me with a red scarf around my neck.
And third, it was playing GhostBusters. I never saw that movie so I was very confused at first and Kricket kept repeating: '' I love the State Puff Marshmallow man!'' I have absoultely no idea who or what is the State Puff Marshmallow man, so I would like to know.
Anyways, see you soon and have a good time bloggin
Ajax
So....the only thing that I did intersting today was go to the grocery store, get a new scarf and watch GhostBusters....
At the grocery store, I did my normal thing with Kricket, act funny. Im good at being funny, but the problem is that when I come to tell someone, I TOTALLY forget what I do to be funny. It sucks since it would be awesome in my blog.
The scarf is because, my avatar has a red scarf, his name is Ajax Kyougi Blinn, and I really wanted one, so we found the perfect one. So now, I wear it ALL the time and never take it off. So if you imagined me, imagine me with a red scarf around my neck.
And third, it was playing GhostBusters. I never saw that movie so I was very confused at first and Kricket kept repeating: '' I love the State Puff Marshmallow man!'' I have absoultely no idea who or what is the State Puff Marshmallow man, so I would like to know.
Anyways, see you soon and have a good time bloggin
Ajax
How do you cure bordness?
Ugh....I hate being bored....WORST THING EVER
Let me explain for now.
Mom and Dad were going to this Halloween bowling party. So they left me and Keith alone in the house.
Normally, you would call up your friends and just scream: ''Party!!!''.
Well, not the case here. See, Im a geek/otaku and my bro's an anti-social prick. So we don't have that many friends. We tried calling our ''friends'' but they were all busy. So we stayed in the house, bored out of our minds.
Now you might be wondering, why didnt you go outside. Problem is that, Im 14 and bro's 15. And there are only restaurants where we live. And we had just eaten 3 bowls of Popcorn. Not that really hungry for doughnuts. The only FUN places around where we live, is out of the town and we dont have a car.
So we just stood there, watching TV....bored out of our minds.
And when your bored, laziness kicks in, already that Im very lazy. So we were just two slobs sitting on the couch watching this disgusting parasite inside the human body show.
I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up earlier. Mom and Dad were back.
And now im still bored as Im typing this blog and hopefully waiting for something to happen.....
See you later today! Ajax
Let me explain for now.
Mom and Dad were going to this Halloween bowling party. So they left me and Keith alone in the house.
Normally, you would call up your friends and just scream: ''Party!!!''.
Well, not the case here. See, Im a geek/otaku and my bro's an anti-social prick. So we don't have that many friends. We tried calling our ''friends'' but they were all busy. So we stayed in the house, bored out of our minds.
Now you might be wondering, why didnt you go outside. Problem is that, Im 14 and bro's 15. And there are only restaurants where we live. And we had just eaten 3 bowls of Popcorn. Not that really hungry for doughnuts. The only FUN places around where we live, is out of the town and we dont have a car.
So we just stood there, watching TV....bored out of our minds.
And when your bored, laziness kicks in, already that Im very lazy. So we were just two slobs sitting on the couch watching this disgusting parasite inside the human body show.
I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up earlier. Mom and Dad were back.
And now im still bored as Im typing this blog and hopefully waiting for something to happen.....
See you later today! Ajax
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Welcome!....I guess....
Ok! My first blog ever!....um....hi?
Wow....I suddenly feel intimitated under the pressure of posting EVERY DAY..... So, let me just explain a few things....
First: I will post on Saturday's and Sunday's. Im busy during the week....Even though I dont do my homework...T_T Sometimes, I will post during the week or during certain holidays.
Second: I will NEVER say my real name, so call me Ajax! My family and friends will all have different names also. Example:
Keith = Brother
Kricket/Mom = Mom
Crystal = 1 of my friends
Dark( for the moment) = 1 of my friends
Beer/Dad = Dad
Third: I will rarely post pics since Im not good at drawing on paint and better on my DSi. But it's hard to put it on my PC. So, not many phots, but I will try!
Fourth: I DONT STAY UP LATER THAN 10:00PM SINCE I GET TIRED VERY EASILY....thank you
So, that's about it. Hope you enjoy my blog and I hope I can continue it until Im not a teen anymore!
Ajax
Wow....I suddenly feel intimitated under the pressure of posting EVERY DAY..... So, let me just explain a few things....
First: I will post on Saturday's and Sunday's. Im busy during the week....Even though I dont do my homework...T_T Sometimes, I will post during the week or during certain holidays.
Second: I will NEVER say my real name, so call me Ajax! My family and friends will all have different names also. Example:
Keith = Brother
Kricket/Mom = Mom
Crystal = 1 of my friends
Dark( for the moment) = 1 of my friends
Beer/Dad = Dad
Third: I will rarely post pics since Im not good at drawing on paint and better on my DSi. But it's hard to put it on my PC. So, not many phots, but I will try!
Fourth: I DONT STAY UP LATER THAN 10:00PM SINCE I GET TIRED VERY EASILY....thank you
So, that's about it. Hope you enjoy my blog and I hope I can continue it until Im not a teen anymore!
Ajax
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